Kim, my beloved teacher, healer, and friend, was recently in town for a few days. She had just returned from a magical — at times gut-wrenchingly difficult and at times blissful enough to make her heart soar — journey through Nepal and India. She saw many extremes… Pollution and then breathtaking sunrises, poverty and sickness, and shining examples of enlightenment and inner peace.

During our brief visit, Kim told me about meeting a very elderly woman while she was traveling in India. Kim was impressed by this woman and her — extremely — advanced age (I won’t give you the number, because you’ll never believe me!). The woman told Kim that the key to a long, healthy life consists of five simple “secrets.”

Kim gave me permission to share the key of life with you. Prepare to laugh, but — in all seriousness — this is important stuff.


1) “shit every day” (this is a quote!)

YES! This is right on. Regular bowel movements are necessary to clear your body of toxins. Accumulated waste (i.e. from constipation) can cause all manner of physical, mental, and emotional disturbances, especially if you suffer from a leaky gut.  If you are not pooping every day, find a way to make it happen. Ideally, this will NOT involve routine use of laxatives, but it may require an enema to kick-start the system and possibly even a complete diet and lifestyle overhaul. Read more about my personal “poop journey” by clicking here.


2) orgasm as often as possible

Sounds good to me. Orgasm releases endorphins (mood-enhancing and pain-relieving neurotransmitters) as well as the neurohormones oxytocin and prolactin, which are known to enhance the feelings associated with love and bonding. I think we can all agree that the primary purpose and goal in life is LOVE. If orgasm helps us “feel the love,” then bring it on!

Can’t orgasm? Don’t worry — you are not alone. Many women are “anorgasmic,” meaning they have never experienced (or have difficulty reaching) climax. However, there are ways to facilitate orgasm including relaxation techniques and even fitness strategies (read more in my book, FemFusion Fitness for Intimacy). Note: you may also want to take matters into your own hands. For many women, self-stimulation more consistently induces orgasm than sexual intercourse. There are many products on the market that can help with self-stimulation. Please don’t feel embarrassed or ashamed. It’s too bad sex is so taboo in our culture, because it’s natural, and — heck — orgasm is a key of life!


from (original source unknown)

3) breathe

Tibetan medicine states that we only have a certain number of breaths in one lifetime. Don’t squander your precious breaths on shallow, meaningless, fearful, uptight breathing! Slow down. Make your breaths deep and meaningful. Breathe all the way down into your pelvic floor as you inhale, pause, and then reverse the direction of your breath as you exhale. Imagine oxygen moving from your nose down into your pelvic floor, and carbon dioxide moving from your pelvic floor up through your body and back out your nose. I encourage you to take short “breath breaks” throughout the day. Place small reminders on your bathroom mirror, in the kitchen, and on the computer… Or anywhere you frequent throughout the day. You may actually extend the length of your life with this simple practice.

4) release the need to be right

Let go of the need the need for approval and external validation. Dr. Wayne Dyer consistently states this sentiment in his books, particularly Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life. Of course, sometimes we need to speak our mind and stand up for ourselves, but in many cases our striving and constant need to be “right” is less about being strong and more about a deep longing to be heard, noticed, and validated… And for what reason? Why? YOU are the only person who needs to validate your own self-worth. It doesn’t matter what other people think or say. You are all you’ve got, so let go of attachment to success, let go of forcing others to adhere to your rigid rules, and let go of the expectation that others “should” respect and adulate you. By letting go, you will gain more than you ever imagined.

As Dr. Dyer states on, “be soft like water… When you stay soft and surpass the hard, you too will be indestructible. There’s nothing softer than water under heaven, and yet there’s nothing that can surpass it for overcoming the hard. There’s so much wisdom to be found in this analogy: Stay in your soft mode. Hang back when you’re about to show how hard you can be. Try patience rather than attempting to rigidly control. Trust your innately gentle self.”

5) know that the world is full of infinite possibilities

Who are we to say what is and what is not possible? Just as we should have no discrimination for people, we should also release discrimination about possibilities for ourselves (and for others). Stop playing small. Allow yourself to dream big and explore the possibilities of your existence.

Kim helped apply this to me and my business. Through my work with FemFusion Fitness I am not just helping women — the mothers of the world — I’m helping the next generation. Everyone benefits from happy, healthy, strong women being in their lives. It is a beautiful ripple effect.


Kim, surrounded by prayer flags in the Himalayas

From Kim, to me:


“What do you see in the title? Happiness Is No Where or Happiness Is Now Here? Where does happiness lie in your mind?

Either way, happiness is now here and happiness is nowhere, but here in your heart. Happiness lies in what we pay attention to. If what we pay attention to is the here & present, then happiness is now. If what we pay attention to is everything and nothing, then it is nowhere.”

take home message(s):

Focus on one person at a time, one thing at a time, not everything (and everybody) all at once.

Focus on the five secrets… The keys to life. Soften. And be happy.

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